Be nice or go away!

A little while ago, I came across this in form of a tattoo. As I really liked it, I turned it into a painting which now hangs in my corridor and greets everyone who enters my flat.

I would venture a guess that the vast majority of people (there are always exceptions to the rule) would say that they want or even expect other people to treat them nicely. And still we so often put up with people treating us in ways that do not feel right to us. As well as treating other people badly.

Reasons for that can be manifold and excuses are easily found:

• What can I possibly do? I am not strong enough/not in the position to put a stop to this.
•  I don’t actually care.
• It’s not that bad really.

This is often to do with low self-esteem which can translate into feeling that we might even deserve this treatment or we do not dare to speak up for ourselves out of fear for the possible consequences.

As with everything: it’s up to us to make a change! While it would be lovely indeed to live in a world where everyone is nice and kind to each other, it’s also utopian. And the first step to change is to step away from seeing yourself in the role of the victim who this is happening to. You have a choice and you don’t have to accept this kind of behaviour. You cannot change other people but you don’t have to put up with them. Learn to be polite but firm in speaking up when somebody has overstepped your boundaries.

“The way you love yourself sets the example how everyone else will love you.”

Are you treating yourself with the respect and kindness you deserve?

Do you have a mindset of “I am enough”?

Do you believe that you deserve good things happening to you?

Just like the opening statement, these are pretty obvious questions with supposedly obvious answers and still in many coaching sessions these have emerged as issues my clients are struggling with, once they take a hard and honest look at the stories that impact their thoughts, feelings and behaviour.

Awareness is the first step to change. Expose the stories that are holding you back and sow the seeds for transforming them.